~Messy Heart and Messy Art during the Season of Lists~

~Messy Heart and Messy Art during the Season of Lists~

Early last year, when I embarked on a brand new project with my new friend, I felt like one long, lost soul.  Life was chaotic and crazy for me, a mom of three young, hysterical, energetic, strong-willed ladies (read: stubborn, hard-headed, doggedly determined). I was trying with all my might to home school them, run my house, and a fledgling small business all at the same time. Oh, and also treat myself like a human being (as opposed to my self-martyring mom role I sometimes can play when I’m overwhelmed).  Oh, and be a good wife!  And friend!  The time for me seemed nowhere to be found, and I was slowly folding inward with my introverted self wishing for more ways to express myself, my darkness.  I was feeling trapped, claustrophobic, like I was keeping a part of myself locked up.  “How can I get out of here?!?”  I thought.  The restlessness of my brain was just too much, and I just had no idea how to calm the beast.  Do you ever feel that?

Anyhow, as most lost souls are found, I just kept walking the path of life, doing my best to navigate with the life skills that I had, and adding more in as I learned them.  Thanks to said friend, I stumbled across some books by Brene Brown (if you haven’t read them, DO), and wow did she add to my skill set! I learned so much about vulnerability and courage and bravery and honesty, and I also learned painfully honest truths about my worthiness and self-esteem. After a great deal of reading and discussing with my esteemed friend, and several vulnerable interviews into our project, I was finally inspired to try a different form of creativity from my photography.  I knew it had been brewing inside me.  I knew I wasn’t doing enough, creating enough.  I heart photography, believe me I do, but I also love to create in other ways; physical, hands covered in paint and glue and glitter that you can’t get off kind of creating, and I was missing out on that.  Like my soul was craving it.  My darkness wanted to be unleashed! Explored! It wanted me! We interviewed this watercolor and illustration artist, Jenna, from Mon Voir, and my mind was blown. (That’s her messy watercolor pallet up at the top.)  I so much appreciated her vulnerability and courage to be so honest with us about the process of art and what it means to her.  That the process of art, and what you learn about yourself during the process is what matters, not the outcome.  She was incredible and inspiring.  Thank you, Jenna!  From there I dove in, and haven’t looked back.

After some research and getting involved in the creative community more, I found this really great community online called Get Messy Art Journal, and it’s been just incredible.  The support of the creativity, and the process, and everything that goes on in between beginning a project to the final product, being an artist can feel like a lonely road sometimes, and they make it so much more fun.  They also encourage you to art journal every day, or as often as you can manage.  Which sounds impossible, and has been for me so far.  It’s been really hard to fit it into my schedule, and I’ve really learned a lot about carving out art time for myself.  Especially in this latest season of prompts they came out with, the Season of Lists!  If you know me, you know that I am a lover of lists.  I will spend my downtime making lists.  It’s relaxing and fun for me.  It helps me to feel prepared and organized and in the know.  So when I found out that they were doing a season of lists, 30 Days of Lists over 6 weeks, I was so stoked!  I was in for the challenge. And it was super difficult for me to keep up. I didn’t get to art journal every day, I would do a bunch of a week’s worth of work in one or two days after spending the week writing out the lists. But I gave myself grace, and tried my best to keep up, and get the most out of the process as possible.  And it was wonderful, and I’m so proud of myself for finishing. And really, only a few days after the season has ended, so I wasn’t so behind after all! The process of making my beautiful, messy, tiny art journal was as freeing and cathartic as I thought it could be, and my darkness is pleased to be expressed in the process, not the outcome.

In the spirit of lists, and because I just got off of 6 weeks of writing the best lists ever, I thought I’d share my pearls of wisdom that I learned during the Season of Lists…in a list!  Here it is:

  • I can create art purely for myself, without care of external input.
  • Creating something every day helps me to feel more human.
  • If I don’t create every day, I feel like I am missing a part of myself.
  • The world needs me to create my art.  No one can create my art but ME.
  • I am unique.
  • My voice matters.
  • I will never be perfect, I will just be me.
  • I enjoy spending time exploring my darkness while creating.
  • Grace is very important to have for yourself so that you can give it to others.
  • Healthy self talk leads to better results than negative self talk.
  • Being a part of a community of people who also feel the need to create every day is inspiring and life altering.
  • When I create, I am a better person.

Without further ado, here is a Flip-a-gram of my little, mini-messy art journal for the Season of Lists…

 

Forever Together- The Lewis Family

Forever Together- The Lewis Family

I’ve been going through an artist’s struggle the past couple of years.  And if you’re any kind of creative (you should be, we all are!), you know what I mean.  I’ve been going through that constant cycle of “This is awesome.  This is tricky.  This is crap.  I am crap.  This might be ok.  This is awesome.”  And so it goes, round and round, each new cycle teaching me something more about my craft, my creativity, my darkness, my need to create.  There’s this really great quote from Ira Glass that you can watch/listen to here that describes that artists struggle to a T for me.  And so I keep on trucking.  Every time I feel like my art is crap, I know growth is right around the corner.  And I keep wading through the crap until I get to that feeling of “This is awesome!” once again.  Because the artist’s journey is never over.  There is always more story to be told.  And I’m determined to be the author of that story.

The Lewis Family is a very special family in my life.  They are, by and large, just like any other average American family, trying to live the dream.  But they have something that sets them slightly apart from many families, and that is that they are all choosing to be a Forever Family, together.  I think that is something incredible and amazing.  This session came up for me when I was deep in my funk.  Not feeling the flow of my art.  But when I found out that they were finalizing their adoption, I couldn’t think of anything more joyful to capture.  This family, for me, embodies grace, joy, patience and gratefulness.  I think there is something very profound about intentionally choosing to be a parent, intentionally choosing to love unconditionally.  It truly touches my soul, and I feel so grateful myself to have them in my life.  We were able to meet for a very quick session before they headed out to the courthouse to finalize the adoption, and make these amazing kids officially a LEWIS!  It was truly an honor to be a part of this day with them, and to be able to capture memories that I know will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Here’s an overview of our short, but extremely joyful morning together.  One of my favorite parts was when they first got there, and Michael RAN into my arms and hugged me, and I could feel his excitement and joy exuding from his little body.  I don’t know if my heart could have withstood any more joy and gratefulness than I felt in this morning.  Thank you Lewis Family for sharing it with me, and allowing me to tell this part of your story…

Family atalia michael nano parents and kids family 2 grandma instax family jump

A new forever family jumping for joy! Congratulations, Lewis Family!